


regrets

by bukkunkun



Series: ShinoSieg Week 2k16 [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Blood and Gore, Canonical Character Death, Graphic Description of Corpses, Heavy Angst, I am so sorry, M/M, Major Character Injury, Not Happy, Pain, Unhappy Ending, sort of, sorta again, this is really painful guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:27:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bukkunkun/pseuds/bukkunkun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Sleep tight, babe."</p><p>Shiro unloads his regrets on a slumbering Siegbert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	regrets

**Author's Note:**

> written (hastilyyyyyyyy as in under thirty minutes LMAOOO) for [ShinoSieg/ShiroSieg Week](http://shirosieg-week.tumblr.com/post/144634356058/shirosieg-week-current-prompts), which apparently started yesterday (for me at least lmao) but since it's still June 1 somewhere in the world, this still fuckin counts damn it =))))))))))
> 
> rip in pieces my heart i can't believe i hurt my precious baby/husbando/waifu kiragi ~~yes i know i'm disgusting for going after kiragi but just. shUT UP OKAY PLEASE I'M SO SORRY XANDER IS MY #1 HUSBANDO BUT DAMN IF I WANNA HIT HIM UP~~
> 
> set pre-Heirs of Fate.

“Sleep tight, babe.” He heaved the body up on his back, barely panting, and he kissed his warm knuckles, tasting blood and grime atop the familiar, calming taste of his skin. He huffed, adjusting his grip to a crude piggyback carry, in his right hand Raijinto, still crackling with lightning, and in the other, Siegfried, the hilt wrapped with a bloody cloth as he held on to it with a black, charred hand.

“Y’know,” Shiro laughed softly, but he knew he would expect no reply, “I didn’t know Siegfried was so picky with its wielders. Nearly burned my hand off there.”

The scent of charred flesh was still in the air, but Shiro did his best to ignore it. When he deemed him secure, he began to trudge along the beat-up dirt path he cleared himself, vanishing bodies of Vallites scattered to his left and right flanks, all in varying states of lightning burn or dismemberment. There was so much blood everywhere. The grass, the tiny white flowers on the field, the rocks, the trees. There were nary a space where it was spared from the bloodshed.

Shiro walked past Grimhilt, the fallen, mighty stallion who belonged to Nohrian kings, and he stopped for a moment to watch her lie there, stabbed through with a spear, a few arrows, and finally the Beastkiller that had slain her. His smile faded from his face for a moment, and he stood there to pay his last respects to her. She had been a good horse. A wonderful horse, Siegbert had told him, and Shiro was glad he wasn’t awake to see her like this.

With that small relief came more regret.

“Y’know, Sieg,” he said, after a long moment of silence, “My old man always said that with how I’m like this, I’ll grow up with a whole lot of regrets.”

Only silence answered him, but he paid no mind, walking onwards.

“He said I wasn’t open enough. How I never really talked about my feelings or some crap like that, and I guess he was right.” He confessed, and one by one, he felt the pitter-patter of raindrops on his head. Shiro looked up to the sky to see it darkening. Rain was here.

“There’s a lot of stuff I’ve always felt. Always should have said.” He continued, and moved on, a little faster now. There was little time to be wasted heading back to Shigure and his mother. “I miss a lot of people, too. Missed a lot of opportunities.”

In his hand Raijinto glowed, the light giving him warmth he felt only in his heart and not in his freezing bones and gaping wounds, and Shiro smiled a little.

“Like… my dad.” He sighed, “I wish I could’ve told him I loved him. That I cared about him so much more than I let on.”

_“Shiro!” It was over before it began, and all Shiro felt was Raijinto being pressed into his hand, and the horses took him away. Far, far away from the red-armoured man he called his father, who was immediately swarmed by Vallites the moment he let go._

_There was no way Ryoma could have made it through that. Absolutely no way._

_Shiro didn’t even get to say goodbye._

The rain began to fall more steadily, now, and Shiro was grateful it would help him clean his body off, and if he cried in the rain, well. It was better late than never.

“K-Kiragi, too.” He stammered, and finally he felt the pain he should have felt long ago.

_“Sh-Shiro, you gotta run.” The younger teen gave him a smile, hand clenching around his tightly, and Shiro shook his head wildly, refusing to let go._

_“Y-you can’t_ — _Kiragi, you fucking_ can’t _!”_

_Kiragi laughed softly, his voice already weak from losing too much. His father. His mother. His arm. His legs. His blood._

_“Shiro, you can’t…” he choked, coughing up more blood, and Shiro’s head spun._

_No, no, no. That belonged inside him. That wasn’t supposed to be on his cousin like that. No. If there was blood on him it would be animal blood and he should be smiling. Proud of a new catch for that night’s dinner, not…_

_Not dying, caught beneath a boulder a Stoneborn had thrown at them._

_Shiro had been careless. Kiragi’s eyes had always been the sharpest._

_Kiragi took a shuddering breath, hand tightening in Shiro’s at the pain, and yet… and yet._

_He was smiling, until the very end._

_“I love you so very much, Shiro.” His voice was growing weaker. “Win this one for me, okay?”_

And he was gone, just like that. Shiro had taken so many things for granted.

He shuddered, and he passed Raijinto to his left hand. Shakily he held Siegbert’s hand to his cheek, relishing the warmth while it was still there.

“A-and you, Sieg.” He choked, “Gods damn it, I care about you so much.”

Siegbert slipped over his armour slightly, and Shiro hurried to carry him properly again. He was hiccupping, eyes and cheeks burning and mixing with the rain on his face were the tears he shed far too late for everything he ever treasured.

Regret always tasted so terribly bitter.

Shiro never liked bitter things.

He walked on, sobbing openly against Siegbert’s hand on his cheek.

He always babbled when emotions started getting overwhelming. Shiro was always an open book like that.

“Y-y’know, you’re lighter than I thought you’d be,” he choked, “Though… I never guessed I had to find out like this.” He sniffled, and in the distance he could see Shigure’s camp coming into view, a blur of long blue hair and a dirty white dress heading towards them and it seemed Azura was still fine. That was good. “I… I always thought I’d find out through some stupid way, like, _fucking_ ,” his foot slipped over mud, and he fell forward into the wet earth, Azura’s shout somewhere at the back of his mind as Siegbert tumbled over him. “Shit, Sieg,” he writhed around in the mud, uncaring if his wounds stung angrily at the infections the mud would surely bring. “Sieg,”

“Shiro! Siegbert!” Azura called, hurrying over to them, only to freeze completely, horror clear on her face as Shiro managed to get up and pull Siegbert into his arms, Raijinto and Siegfried forgotten in the mud in favour of holding him close.

“I always thought I’d find out how light you were as I carried you over some bullshit threshold, damn it.” He sobbed into the crook of Siegbert’s neck. “You promised me, Sieg. You _promised_.”

“S-Shigure!” Azura called for her son, “Get a stretcher! Siegbert is…”

“‘S no need, Aunt Azura.” Shiro hiccupped. “Sieg’s gone.”

Gone, because of stupid little Shiro again.

“I love you.” He whispered, shaking, feeling no heartbeat against his and no matter how hard he wished it wasn’t real, it was.

Siegbert was growing cold in his arms, and it was just like this, too, when Siegbert died.

_“Shiro, I love you.”_

_“I-I know.”_

_“Tell… me… one last time?”_

_“I… I love…” Shiro took a shaky breath. “You know I can’t say shit like that, Sieg, don’t do this to me, you’re gonna be okay!”_

_“Can’t… be… certain.” Siegbert smiled, and he cupped Shiro’s cheek, smearing his blood on his skin. “But… I’m glad… I was with… you…” His hand lost its strength, but Shiro’s shot up to hold it there, desperation clawing at his gut like a monster trapped inside. He was furious. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t he have been stronger? Why couldn’t he_ fucking _cry, damn it?_

 _“Sieg, babe, please,” He sobbed, but the tears wouldn’t come out. “Don’t_ — _don’t go.”_

_“I… I’m trying,” Siegbert winced, and blood splurted out of the gaping wound the lancer left in his gut, “It’s hard… though.”_

_“Then try harder!” Shiro hugged him close, shaking. “Not you, please, Gods, not you…”_

_“I’m… afraid it has… to be me… this time.” Siegbert was struggling to speak, and Shiro hated hearing him like this, but he would give_ anything _to hear his voice always. “Shiro, please kiss me… before I go.”_

_Shiro didn’t need to be told twice, kissing him hard through the pain in his chest, through the burn in his eyes as he couldn’t bring himself to cry._

_“I love you.” Siegbert whispered one more time, and the heartbeat against Shiro’s chest stilled._

“I love you, gods damn it, I fucking love you.” Shiro sobbed, “Please come back to me again.”

* * *

"Your precious Raijinto may have run my father through.”

Shiro glared the blond down across him and Siegbert glowered at him as well.

Shigure watched them quietly, and remembered the destroyed Hoshidan Crown Prince clutching the Nohrian Crown Prince’s dead body, refusing to let go, and prayed quietly to the gods their hearts would find their places again.

Later, as the world fell apart around them, and Shigure held the two Kanas close, he saw Siegbert and Shiro sharing smiles, and all was right in the world again, somehow.

The light they made together was stunning, he thought. Perhaps regrets had finally been laid to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Grimhilt is my hc name for the horse because goddamn it i can't name the horse Sieghorse in a fic as heavy as this 8))))))
> 
> ok time to do graduate school homework adn then back to the shinosiegs later this afternoon like in a few (several) hours


End file.
